Yeah. It's true. I suddenly felt the urge to post random useless crap on this blog. I realized, shortly after making this blog, that my life is so uninteresting I never have any material. UNTIL TODAY, THAT IS.
So, guess what? I'm sick. Yeah, it's fun. I was all "Ma I'm staying home cause I'm sick" and she's all "I'm leaving for New York City" so I had some fun partying with my woodland friends.
From that highly fictionalized account of the last couple of days, I'm sure you've gleaned that 1. I have been sick for probably three weeks back-to-back, but I've just been toughing it out for the last little while. 2. Last night it caught up with me and I've been MISERABLE since, and 3 I have so few friends that I hang out with animals. Only kidding.
So anyway. The laptop was overheating and everyone was all "OH DEAR OH DEAR" and I just didn't have the patience for it to overheat so I stuck an icepack underneath and it's worked like a charm. I'm such a genius. I also think my body is overheating due to my illness, but unfortunately sticking an icepack on my skin would be very painful in my current hypersensitive illness thing, and my stupid body would be all "WE NEED MORE COAL" and dumping you know, last nights beany weenies on my internal furnace. Speaking of which, I ate the whole bowl of beany weenies last night. Mm mm good. Who needs Craft macaroni and cheese. Although I kept repeating the Calvin and Hobbes strip where they serve beany weenies at school and Calvin's all "It appears to be kidney stones and cigar butts in a gall sauce." Makes meal time that much more spesh, you know?
Yesterday my mom took me to this one barber lady. She's pretty presh. She was fired from her salon cause she was 'old and uncool' (read: smart and reliable) so she opened one in her basement. I wanna be like her when I grow up. Only kidding. The perm fumes would kill me.
Anyway, this barber lady cut my hair. So yeah, it's not super diff but it's a little diff. Especially in the back and the sides. Cause my mom's haircut was cool and all (read: old fashioned and tired) but when it got long it looked ridiculous. Cause it went all POOF. Cause my hair is a nightmare. Just kidding. It's a blessing. Except when I'm trying to make it go flat on my head. But when I'm old and everyone else is bald, I'll be the only one with a full head of hair. And I'll make sure it's kinda longish, you know? Almost emo-length? And then I'll bleach all the gray out of it till it turns white. (gray hair looks ugly to me, but old people with white hair always seemed so attractive to me. Only kidding.) I'm gonna be such a cool old person. And I won't be fat. Fat and old is just ugerly. But thin and old = cool and old. Just saying. And yes. Ugerly. Say it out loud. I might wear glasses too. Doesn't that just sound like cool old man material?
Well, it's been a real slice. (I heart Meg. What a babe. What a doll. Whatev.) I am out of things to write about. HEI I've been thinking about different personalities to use when I go in various superstores. Like Walmart. Pretty much I've got my Target personality down, I just go around and say things like "Ew! Red. It's like someone bled all over the place. Rainbows! Disgusting! I hate rainbows." But I say it in a drag queen/smoker voice. So far for my Walmart personality, I've got one line. "Humaanity. It disgusts me." And in the AHH in 'humAHHnity" I put a little vibrato in my voice. And in the GU in 'disGUsts me, I make my voice go up and down. Like "disGustsmeh". I should write a memoir.
By the way, I wrote a submission for a writing contest (calm down; the grand prize is a signed book.) I sent my submission to my editor. Okay, only to Ms. Liz, the lovely former drama/english teacher of mine- she abandoned us to go teach at a high school. I totally understand why. I'd move too, if I could. Seriously. I could move from this Junior High to a high school somewhere. LIKE WHERE YOU GUYS LIVE. Cause my only subscribers to this blog live either in Wisconsin or in my house. Wisconsin is awesome. If you overlook all the bad things about it. Which aren't as numerous as the bad things here. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. Anyway, if I win or lose or die you will hear about it here. And I'm talking about the contest.
I write. A lot. Too much. I seriously was feeling so lonely last year that I wrote my life down on paper, and then added a best friend/girlfriend into the mix. Cause that's how pathetic I am. But seriously, I think that it's probably one of the best things I've ever written. Not that you'll ever read it. EVUR.
This blog needs a facelift. So do I. only kidding. I am beautiful, while this blog is not. I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm saying you're NOT ugly! So soon my not-ugly blog will get a facelift. If I can find it's face. I might give it a buttlift or something. Oops.
So I am currently eating Listerine strips like drugs to zap away the gross sick person breath taste in my mouth. THEY ARE SO STRONG. I am addicted. I think they actually clear my nose, too. THEY'RE THAT AMAZING! I should just eat these all the time. And if Bre Parent is viewing this, yes, yes I am still eating breathmints. Like drugs. Okay, I just checked my listerine pack and its empty. I'm going on withdrawl. I need something minty. To stave off hunger. Like writing this blog. Is. Doing. Only this blog is slightly less minty than Listerine. Let me go get some minty gum.
I swear I've lost ten pounds already today. Which would be nice. I'm gonna go anorexic. AND HAVE ROCK HARD ABS. I almost do already. Under like, the half inch layer of fat on my belly. ANOREXIA, HERE I COME. Just kidding. Wow, gum really does make you not hungry. EXCEPT IT HAS CALORIES. SCREAM! Only when I'm sick would I be willing to write stuff like this. Later on I'll be all "Wow, I was a freak." And I will be right.
Hey, help me with something. I've been thinking about taking a dance class in high school, but for obvious reasons, I would be terrified. Because what if the class is all GIRLS? EWIE! I DON'T LIKE GIRLS! Only kidding. They smell nicer than guys. And are usually more intelligent. And better looking. Just saying. YOU FEMALES OUT THERE ARE GORGEOUS. But seriously, that could be serious homo ammo that someone could throw at me. Has anyone taken a high school dance class? Cause I want to learn, cause I wanna, cause it's cool, but I'd be so SELF CONSCIOUS. And I don't mean ballroom dancing. I mean like musical theatre dancing. Jazz style and stuff, I don't know. Because I am a unicorn! A guy who likes to sing, dance and act but IS NOT GAY! YAY! Not just for gays anymore!!
Okies, BYEEEE! Maybe later I'll act more normal :P
