Violet

I updated the "Violet Beauregarde" video. I copied it from Youtube, so there's a big annoying sticker in the middle of the screen, but it's much better than the video we had before.

Dental Nightmares

When I was little, my parents pounded into my head that "If you don't brush your teeth tonight, you'll get cavities!" and "If you don't, all your teeth will fall out of your head and you'll drown in your own blood tonight."

So sometimes I literally have nightmares about getting cavities. Like last night. I had this horribly terrifying nightmare. I was in the middle of a store, and I overheard some people saying things like "Disgusting! They're all black! Doesn't he brush his teeth?!" and I looked in a mirror and...I'd like to block that memory, if you please.

I've had nightmares where my teeth are growing huge and they break my jaw, or they get covered in algae, or they crumble like powder...filled with worms...Egad, I think I'm having a panic attack.

If this blog does nothing else, it documents what a weird person I am.

Human Transformations

Now, this may or may not have absolutely nothing to do with being male, but my whole life, whenever someone undergoes a physical transformation in a movie, I get captivated and in some cases, obsessed. For example, when I first saw "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" (1971) I was insanely fascinated with the fact that Violet inflated and turned blue. And then, when I saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (2005) and the Violet Beauregarde transformation scene was even more dramatic and super-cool with the help of CGI, I was captivated for months. And then, ever since then, whenever there has been a neato transformation in a movie, I get totally transfixed. Here is the list-

Number One- Violet Beauregarde

Okay. In this scene, this little blonde girl turns this awesome shade of blue, starting from the tip of her nose and eventually staining her skin, hair, and even clothes. That's pretty cool. But then she blows up into this elephantine blueberry. Apparently she's ten feet tall as a blueberry, but in some of the shots she looks a whole lot bigger. Plus Missi Pyle gets to make some first-rate facial expressions, and Johnny Depp's reactions are fantabulous. And there is an awesome Oompa-Loompa song and dance. I was completely and totally obsessed over this one. She even gets to stay blue after she's not a blueberry any more! Some people get all the luck. And plus, I love how everyone backs away from her as she swells. It's golden. Actually, this video is retarded, because the person cut it all up. And for some reason, I can't upload a good video...So you can feel free to look this part up and watch a good version.

Number Two- Aunt Marge

We've all seen it-I believe the third Harry Potter?- where Aunt Marge is inflated into a disgusting helium balloon and floats away, after busting up too much of her clothing and the furniture. Almost as cool as Violet's transformation was.

Number Three- Lisa

Has anyone seen the film "Zathura"? That was the first movie that ever scared me, and and the third movie that got me totally transfixed over a transformation. Now this one is not as extreme as Violet's or Marge's, but I was obsessed for probably longer that Violet. Anyway, the quick story is, these two brothers find and start playing a board game that uproots their house and tosses it into deep space (keeping the house supplied with electricity, water, and gas, and they never run out of air to breathe). Their older sister, Lisa, is in charge of baby-sitting them, but when she sees the stars outside, she freaks because she thinks it's nighttime. Yes, Lisa is played by Kristen Stewart. She won't listen to her little brothers, and marches into the bathroom to get ready for a date. Her brothers take another turn in the game, and pull out a card that says "Shipmate Enters Cryonic Sleep Chamber for Five Turns". They open the bathroom door to find the room buried in frost with fog billowing all over the place, and Lisa has been turned into a statue-like Kristen Stewartsicle. So...freaking...awesome. Watch it and you might not completely not understand. You'll want to watch this video from maybe 4:30 to 7:55.

Number Four- Ginormica aka Susan Murphy

I have been teased to no end for this one, and it's hard to make it sound completely innocent. I almost didn't post this one, because I've already taken a lot of crap about it, but still...so cool.
She's hit by a meteor- try to stay calm- and is injected with all this alien-gunk. Then she grows to 50 feet tall in an awesome growth sequence and busts up a church. She goes on what looks like a rampage, and it captured because she's now a monster. So COOL. The singular highlight of Monsters VS Aliens is the fact that she is giant. It's...well, hard to make it sound innocent, but I swear it is! It's just soo neato. Later in the movie, she has a reverse-transformation, too... This video is also retarded because it's just a trailer version. Youtube can't have Monsters VS Aliens on it, for some reason. It's a lot cooler if you actually watch the movie. Which I doubt you will, if I know any of you.

All-Time Favorite Quotes

My favorite quotes from people, movies, books, games, TV shows...They still make me smile.

• There must be some way to cross this pit. Maybe if you fill it with the shattered pieces of those less fortunate than you. -World of Goo
• There's splinters in the windmills of your minds! -The Carol Burnett show
• I don't know what I saw, therefore it is a flying saucer from Mars. -Scientific TV show
• Pants are an illusion... and so is death... -Avatar: The Last Airbender
• Celebrate the independence of your country by blowing up a piece of it. -Simpsons
• Onward came the meteorites! -Calvin and Hobbes
• All magic is a fraud! A hoax! A sham! All are illu-usions! -Fantasia 2000
• If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I would have one dollar. -Squidward
• Are they [girl scout cookies] made from real Girl Scouts? -Addams Family

 

Yay, Christmas Day

I love Christmas. All together, we got eleven new movies this year. What did you guys get? Today I got:

• Three new shirts
• iTunes giftcard
• Hairspray poster that Olivia put together for me
• New Super Mario Bros. Wii Poster
• Several candy canes
• A two-dollar bill
• A new wallet (Finally!)
• An awesome all-in-one tool
• A florescent bead curtain with little peace symbols 
• Addams Family movie
• A iPod Alarm clock/dock/speakers
• Earbuds
• Jelly beans
• Coolio rainbow gel in a bottle
• Two new books
• And a picture of me taking a blanket from a baby

Quality presents, no doubt. Plus we got a ton of family gifts, so it was great.

One More Sleep Till Christmas

There's magic in the air this evening
Magic in the air
The world is at her best, you know
When people love and care
The promise of excitment is one the night will keep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

The world has gotta smile today
The world has gotta glow
There's no such thing as strangers
When a stranger says "Hello"
And everyone is family, we're havin' so much fun
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

'Tis the season to be jolly and joyous
With a burst of pleasure we feel it all right
It's a season when the Saints can employ us
To spread the news about peace and to keep love alive
"Merry Christmas, so long!"

There's somethin' in the wind today that's good for everyone
Yes, faith is our hearts today, we're shinin' like the sun
And everyone can feel it, the feelin's runnin' deep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas day

Looking Sideways

There are man different kinds of people; those who look forward, those who look back, those who look down, those who look up. People who look towards the future, people who linger on the past. People who see absolutely nothing but their feet and the ground, and people who are either airheads and stare at the sky, at oblivion, or people who are extremely religious and also stare into oblivion. But what about people who look...sideways?

I guess people who look sideways are the most unpredictable people. In my humble opinion. How do I describe it? It's kind of like looking at the here-and-now, but thinking of the future and keeping the past in mind. Looking at something and thinking about it, how it could be better, how you could make it better. People who look sideways usually have one or more big life dream that they want to fulfill. In some cases so many that their dreams interfere with each other. Looking sideways is like looking out a car window, seeing all the scenery, instead of staring out the windshield or at a GPS or a TV screen (if you have either of those things in your car). Or instead of reading a book or playing a handheld videogame in the car. If that makes sense.

I'm not saying that people who look up, down, forward or backwards are stupid or anything...I'm just giving sideways-lookers a turn in the spotlight for once. People who look sideways could become artists or musicians or dancers or singers... Of course, there are many different directions than up, down, forwards, backwards or sideways. In a circle there are 360 degrees... how many degrees in a sphere?

Of course...there's always the question "you may be looking sideways... but are you looking right or left?" discuss amongst yourselves. Do YOU look sideways?

Poopsauce

Just a general announcement...if you are evil, go jump off a duck.

Evildoers beware, no one mourns the wicked.

Picatures of my Animals and my Room

I found out how to upload pictures! This calls for emoticons!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Yay! Okay, I took pictures of a few Creatures I've made (majorly nerdy, I know) and a few of my room, if you'd like to see them.

Okay, this first picture is of a Creature I just finished yesterday. She came out looking kind of...Oriental. Carring me Orienter...offensive to me! Btw, she's my first girl. She doesn't have eyes yet, or a name. My sister suggested Anastasia...but I don't know. Suggestions would be muy appreciated!

This is what she looked like as a drawing...yes my first sketch...

And these are some ideas for eyes. The best ones I've come up with are closed. Tell me which eyes you like best on the Comments section!

Eyes Number 1

Eyes Number 2

Eyes Number 3

Here's two of the other guys I've made!! The green one's Aster...and the jester is unnamed. But still so cool.

And just because I got a little carried away with the camera...Here are some photos of my room for your viewing pleasure!

Christmas Tree Placements

Okay, it's finally December, and your family gets out or purchases your Christmas Tree. Close your eyes and picture it...but then open them again because you have to read the rest of this. This is golden. Anyway, this year you might want to put it in the basement if your basement's finished, or in the bathroom, or in your living room, because you need a good, comfortable environment to open presents in, right? Well, then imagine your parents VETO your idea for placements of the tree in favor of putting it somewhere where it can be seen through a window if you happen to be driving by and staring through people's windows. So then you have to open presents in an unpleasant computer room, or kitchen, or garage, or roof, or fire escape. Depending on where you live. But that makes living in a glass house that much simpler. I mean, you can't throw stones, but you don't need to worry about where to place the tree for maximum curb appeal. The latter makes up for the former. Not being able to chuck rocks inside your house is a major bummer.

But for the 99.999999999999999999% of the world's population that doesn't live in a completely glass home, your parents constantly make you put the tree in an uncomfortable position to impress the neighbors, strangers, airliners or paparazzi. Depending on your living situations. If any parents are reading this, think of Christmas spirit! No one's gonna come over to your house saying:

"How in the name of all things bright and beautiful did you make your tree look so gorgeous?!"


"Oh, I didn't think anyone would notice...!"


"It makes me jealous. Let me give you all the presents I have gotten this year as a reward for placing your tree in an uncomfortable spot so you may grace all of mankind with its beauty! And I will tell everyone about this tree!"


Really. Come on. Everyone does this. Just drive down a road, and at least half of the houses will have the tree right in a glaringly obvious window. The other half's trees will still be visible, but not so glaringly obvious. Christmas Trees should not count for inside and outside decor, just inside! Everyone falls for peer pressure! As Lemony Snicket so poetically said, "The trick [to peer pressure] is to succumb to enough pressure that you do not drive your peers away, but not so much that you end up in a situation in which you are dead or otherwise uncomfortable."

And another sad Christmas Tree thing is that many adults only decorate the visible side of the tree- if your tree is against a wall, or even worse, in a corner, then many times those sides of the tree will go undecorated and bare. Sometimes parents don't even put lights on those sides. It's all very sad. Of course, if your tree is against the window, the adults will be very careful to decorate that side. But for a wall? Noooo. What's wrong with walls? 

It's just sad knowing that part of your tree is undecorated, especially if you have decorations or lights left over. (If you are poor and don't have enough of those, that's a different thing.) Just the visible sides are decorated. The sides that aren't immediately visible are left bare and empty. That's like saying that you don't really care.


Children, teens, take note! If someday you become parents, you can correct all of this! Your children will experience true Christmas, and not a facade of a mask of a holiday! 


It is late, I believe I have gotten my point across, and because tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I will sleep in. Ciao. 
Tyler

Terms of Endearment

We've all used terms of endearment before- Honey, sweetie, sweetheart, that sort of nauseating thing. Some of us more than others. Here are some terms of endearment I use-

• Honey Bunches of Oats
• Sweet Gloria
• You little leper
• Boogie Buns
• Hideous weasel
• Googly grapes
• Bunsen Burners
• Screamo 
• Drama A La Queen 

Don't they just melt your heart? Don't be shy to say them to your loved ones this Christmas season!

Good Morning and Music

Good morning, everyone! Good morning! To you! Good morning, good MORNING! It's GREAT to stay up late! Good morning, good morning to you!
...
Sorry, I lost control for a second there.

Anyway, I found out how to embed playlists from Playlist.com onto my blog!! So right now the playlist's at the top of the page, the best place I could figure to put it. It only has two songs, but they're two of my favorite Christmas songs, so LISTEN! If it's in the way, I'll move it. This is how I'm gonna share music, so you need to always check what I have in there.

We're Marley and Marley, avarice and greed. We took advantage of the poor, just ignored the needy!

Dreams

I can have the wackiest dreams ever. Whenever I have an especially wacky one, I write it down. I've had dreams saved on my computer for months now without anyone seeing them, so I figured I might as well post one every now and then. Here's one of my favorites!

This was a dream where I didn't know that it was a dream, but I knew that somehow, everything was wrong. I wound up sneaking around a haunted house with my family. It was dark and gloomy and everything you'd expect a stereotypical haunted house to be. We each carried a big bag of laundry over our shoulders. We climbed the creaky, royal purple stairs up to a room that had a big laundry chute in one corner, where we dumped our laundry. Then we left. I wasn't aware of time passing or doing anything else when we left, but when we wound up there again, I knew it was the next day. We stepped up to the front porch, where the laundry we had dumped yesterday was lying clean, folded and smelling nice. Once everyone found out about the magical laundry chute, the haunted house was being swarmed. So what did the city do? What logical conclusion did the board come up with to fix this mess? Simple. They built onto it and turned it into a school, where I was enrolled.

When I got my lunch one day in the haunted schoolhouse, one lunch lady accidentally cut off her own hand with a can opener. Instead of calling an ambulance, the principal decided that the lunch lady was practicing witchcraft. So she was burned at the stake. It was wintertime and there wasn't any heating in the haunted schoolhouse, so the children enjoyed the heat. Then  the school board made the tough decision that if a lunch-lady could be a witch, anyone could. So our school held witch trials. There were ridiculous tests and horrible prices to pay. Then me and some girl singular to my dream ran away from the haunted schoolhouse with its witch trials.
I still remember the color of the sky. It was smoky, hazy orange, like a massive fire was burning just over the horizon. We climbed through some hedges to find a dismal open mine pit in a barren purple wasteland. We fell into the pit, where children clawed at the rocky soil with their bare hands. In the center of the pit stood my mother. She was barking orders to kids, threatening some, rewarding others. Her resounding cry was "IF YOU FILL YOUR CART WITH GOLD, YOU MAY PLAY IN THE MUD FOR ONE HOUR!!" which was answered by a high-pitched huzzah. Because we were now a part of my demonic mother's child labor, I was gifted a cart and began to scratch at the wall myself. I climbed up the wall to try and escape, and when I put my hand down on the surface of the dirt, I felt something cold, stiff and covered in a vinyl glove that the lunchladies wore. I still remember what it felt like to touch the severed hand. I slid back down to the wall, where my mother waited with murder in her eyes. Regarding the hand, I whispered "Must have been from the witch trials..." My mother responded "Probably. Get back to work or I'll kill you."

Soon enough, I filled my cart with cartoonishly large gold nuggets. Once I had given to gold to my mother, I woke up. The first thing I did was tell my mom my dream. She thought her role in it was funny, but whenever I dream something up where she plays a part in being evil, she assumes it's because of bad parenting. Then she told me that we had yard work to do. "Lots and lots of yard work. Get your brother." And she wasn't even joking.

Love, Tyler

Ramblings

Has anyone ever had a teacher who was really nice and funny, but an awful teacher? My Spanish teacher is like that. We haven't learned anything for a month straight (yes, I have been counting!!) It's either doing worksheets, coloring, or watching a movie. It's like he's afraid to teach us. So I don't know any more Spanish than I did when I was in seventh grade.

There is no better music than showtunes. Undoubtedly. I'd love to elaborate but we are watching an African rugby movie.

Ciao!

"The Lost Hero" By Rick Riordan

Yep. Rick Riordan must have quite a racket going on. I read this book, and even though everyone I've talked to essentially replied "OMG i LUVVVVV teh lost hero!!!!!!" I thought it was...okay. It was considered "good" because it was almost exactly like "Lightning Thief" and THAT was considered good. Don't get me wrong, I loved the Percy Jackson books...but this?

****WARNING!! SPOILERS!!!****

Number One- This book spends pages and pages and chapters and chapters talking about how beautiful and sexy the main characters are. Honestly? I hated it. It was annoying. Especially when you consider how many kids have had self-esteem issues due to the way people are portrayed in the media. Seriously, the main girl was a daughter of Aphrodite, so there is an entire sub-plot about how gorgeous she is. Plus her dad is a movie action star with "bronze skin and rippling muscles and a smile that drives grown women to scream and beg him to sign their bodies". And then the main guy is supposed to be super cute or whatnot- it talks more about him than about the girl, even if the author was a man. Too bad the main guy wasn't a son of Aphrodite; there might've been a subplot about how gorgeous he was too! I guess the overly descriptive words were part of describing the characters or whatever, but everything said was either cute or hunky or handsome or beautiful.

Number Two- Since this is supposed to be an add-on to the Percy Jackson series, the author spent barely any time going over the old characters or locations, so Annabeth and Camp Half-Blood felt shallow and colorless. Anyone should be able to pick this book up cold and understand it.

Number Three- The author throws too many curveballs at you. You really have to read the Percy Jackson series to understand this book. And then when you have, suddenly you're dealing with ROMAN gods and Thalia being the main character's sister and there being another Camp Half-Blood in California. What? There was nothing about this in the old series! It just doesn't make sense that no one would have mentioned this at all in the Percy Jackson series. Mr. Riordan shouldn't have applied this in his first book that mentions this at all.

Number Four- There was not enough tension built to really feel any emotion about the "final" battle. When they battle the little giant, then the snow princess and the big giant and free Hera...it happened too fast. The author spent to much time on describing the character's overwhelming beauty and not enough time on plot. Percy Jackson was thick on plot...This was a story. Not much plot. I never felt like rooting for the characters to win, because I never felt enough. They just said "It will be the end of the world if you don't win!!" and I thought to myself "Okay. Why does that matter to me? It doesn't. I'm not attached to this book."


Number Five- There were three resolutions/climaxes!! First, when they kill the little giant and free Piper's dad. Then when they battle the big giant and free Hera. Third, when they become aware of the other camp and start preparations to go there. He just kept writing and writing long after it should've ended!! The ending came too fast. They shouldn't have fought the big giant and freed Hera until a later book. And he just wrote and wrote for too much after the climax, trying to keep the tension up. It didn't work.


Number Six- It was a near identical copy of the Percy Jackson series. Lets see-

Jason= Percy
Piper= Annabeth
Leo= Grover

The reincarnations of these characters basically go on a recycled adventure from the Percy Jackson series.

****SPOILERS END HERE****

That is all.

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. And I couldn't tell my family because they all love that book!

A Cynical View of Christmas Assemblies

THREE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!! Goodness, that's nuts. Today was a super short day in school; here's what I did:

1st hour- English- watched "Muppet's Christmas Carol" 
Christmas Assembly
2nd Hour- Gym- we just watched Despicable Me in the gym teacher's Spanish classroom
Lunch
5th hour- Social Studies-Took a ridiculously hard  Christmas Quiz, then watched "Jingle All the Way" with Arnold Schwarzenegger
7th Hour- Math- My math teacher wasn't even here today, so we went in a different classroom and played games.

The Assembly. Oh boy. Assemblies here are fairly frequent and uber annoying. Today I ended up sitting next to Ms. Liz (my drama and English teacher) through some inadvertent process. We made comments back and forth about the assembly and how stupid it was. So first, the cheerleaders carried the flag to the center of the gym and danced in a circle around it. Yes, it is weird. Then the Chamber Choir sang the national anthem, and the officers (in tutus, no less) sang "The Twelve Days of Christmas" very badly. And a capella. Did I mention it was bad? Plus the lyrics were all screwed up (my eagle friend gave to me a partner feeding pears to me).
Then they had a bunch of games, and one of them was all the most hated teachers got pies in their faces. Mr. Booker (my Social Studies teacher and the most hated teacher in the school) got called up to get a pie in his face, but he put on a ski mask and goggles. I thought it was smart. Everyone would be so happy if he got it in his face, so he denied them that pleasure. In some ways, I thought it was funny because everyone freaked out for the rest of the day.

Then at some point a bunch of kids stood in a circle drinking milk to see who could do it the fastest. I was shouting things like "This is hardcore!" and "I can't take this!" "Drinking milk in school!? Someone'll need therapy!" Ms. Liz said my cynicism cracked her up. Is that a good thing?

For the last few weeks, we had been asked to donate money to charity. If we got $3,000, then we'd get a "Mystery Prize". We all assumed it was good, because it took so much money. Well, we raised over $4000. Guess what the mystery prize was? Watching twelve lucky kids get $5 or iTunes cards. Egad, it was dumb. I paid for that? Really? I want my money back.

Then we just had a really messed up schedule. Why the heck did we need to even be there? We didn't get educated at all today. Not that I really ever do, but that's a different story.

1st Post!!

Guess what? This is my first blog. In the history of blogs I have ever made, this would have to be the first. It is a momentous occasion! Drumroll! Let us feast!

This blog (the blog you are reading right now) is on one topic, and one topic only- Me. Although technically the category of "me" covers a lot of different subcategories. Hence why it is called "Tyler's Tangent". Maybe if you were smarter you would've gotten that. Sorry.

The dictionary defines "tangent" in many different ways, including and not limited to geometry and trigonometry. But the way I use it is "off on / ata tangent, digressing suddenly from one course of action or thought and turning to another: The speaker flew off on a tangent."  Get it? Because it's technically never gonna be on one topic? Aren't I clever?!


Usually you'll be able to tell the topics of my different posts by the title. For example, "Waxing Philosophical" and "It's my Birthday!!" Are pretty self-explanatory. Because this blog is not exactly on one topic, it is meant for my friends and family and neighbors and for posterity and I before E except after C.


One of the reasons I started this is because now I have a place to speak freely to anyone I want to and everyone the same time. It's not too high-tech, because I don't know too much about programming and such, but I've managed websites before. And this looks more or less simplistic, so I shouldn't have a problem with it. And plus, since this is the first post I'm making, I'll have a lot more to write about on a different post. It'll happen!!